A collaboration of various authors on the subject of the Idealized Self Image, the damage it does and the promise of recovery – into our sacred humanness. Our true nature. Thank you to all you brave souls who contributed.
Image Above – The Idealized Self Image as Constructed by Susan G. — variegated cardboard is material she visualized, flimsy and inadequate for supporting all the structures she puts on top. She adorns it with various ornamentation – random, without coherence. This is a beautiful portrayal of the idealized self. Individually each piece representing a belief about life and ourselves, makes sense but the overall construction … well draw your own conclusions!
A Pathwork Lecture says, “As a child, regardless of what your particular circumstances were, you were indoctrinated with admonitions on the importance of being good, holy, perfect. When you were not, you were often punished in one way or another. Perhaps the worst punishment was that your parents withdrew their affection from you; they were angry, and you had the impression you were no longer loved. No wonder “badness” associated itself with punishment and unhappiness, “goodness” with reward and happiness. Hence to be “good” and “perfect” became an absolute must; it became a question of life or death for you. Still you knew perfectly well that you were not as good and as perfect as the world seemed to expect you to be. This truth had to be hidden; it became a guilty secret, and you started to build a false self.” PWL #83
I am working with several people who are doing the sacred work of deconstructing the mask of the Idealized Self that they have constructed over so many years. The Idealized Self Image is what the Pathwork calls the perfectionist standards that we hold ourselves to and present to the world. The ISI is made of many images (beliefs about the world and ourselves that we formed during our sorting and categorizing stage of our brain development. My four year old grandchild is doing this now. “I have a penis, Daddy has a penis – you and Mommy do not have penises”. The conclusions he will draw about men and women will form a lasting image that will become unconscious because of his young age. Many images also contain conclusions about cause and effect. The young one trying to make order and sense out of the world. If I do this _______ then that ________ will always happen. We have a myth in our family – if you wear your pajamas inside out it will snow when you wake up the next morning. Some of our unconscious images can be just as magical or erroneous as this one and make little sense in the light of day of our grown up psyches.
Here is one example. It begins with her belief that, “I am special and therefore inoculated against anything bad happening to me.” (We can smile at the magical thinking of her little one). “Next, something bad does happen. Then I decides I better hide and make myself small.” (This plays out in adulthood with eating disorders and other issues). ” But then I am hungry, and so lonely and so afraid. If I keep making myself a better (special) person maybe that will help. But then I fail at my expectations and bad things keep happening and I hide and get small again. The world feels like a very unsafe place.” This is something that all Idealized Self Images have in common. The world does not feel safe….
