My husband and I recently taught a workshop in Vermont about the Spirituality of Relationships—the title of a Pathwork Lecture—but the workshop was really about love.
I was walking in the woods a few days later with nothing particular on my mind and started to think about a woman I know who wanted to become a mother about 10 years ago. She told me she was going to manifest this. She was older at the time and I was cynical. By that point I had had many failed attempts at having a child.
I will tell anyone who will listen that not having a child is my biggest disappointment or regret in my life. As I walked through the woods I began to think about disappointment and regret and my story about it began to turn upside down. A new truth emerged. My friend had approached being a mother with a full open heart. My approach was different. I had conditions. I had wanted a baby of my own with my husband, Tom. I could feel the constraints I put on my heart. And therefore I could feel that I had created different results than my friend whose son is now nine years old. There was no judgement about the different results I had created and I do not wish for my friend’s life, but my sad story seemed to vanish in the light of the truth of my own creation.
I felt incredibly empowered and knew that something really important had happened that was going to change the dynamics in my family. I began to feel into the subtle tension I bring to our family gatherings—a vigilant, focused attention on “who is getting how much of what”. I feel that I must get my share (especially of the grandchildren) given that I did not have children of my own. The tension contained a demand. By Friday of the same week our family was assembled for our last birthday party of the summer.
The change was amazing. I was able able to relax and just be with everyone. I noticed how much attention I did get, how much joy and love was present in our family without needing anything extra.
This made me think about what the Pathwork teaches us, that cause and effect only seem spread out over time because of our time/space relationship on this plane of existence, and that it is actually immediate in the reality of greater unitive conscious. Cause and effect collapse into all cause.
In another example this week, the woman of a couple I work with wanted to unpack what happened to her on a family trip. One day she was letting in the love of her family, especially the love of her niece, and the next day it felt like she lost it. Her niece let her in and then shut her out. She went from blaming and shaming herself to blaming her niece (which is what we do—we go to the hard pain) when we do not want to feel the softer pain. I asked her to track what she was feeling back to the softer feelings and she was feeling a broken heart. This creates an apparent dilemma for her as she has a real need to love and it comes for her naturally. In that moment the time/space continuum collapses again and I realize that needing to love and having our hearts broken are not separate. They go together. Her partner says, “we think we will love at one time and then sometime in the future we might get our hearts broken but actually it is all going on at the same time.” “Exactly,” I say, “it is all cause—the future effect is an illusion. She realizes how love and heart break are inseparable. In this place there is no duality, there is no victim or perpetrator. The world is truly benign, as the Pathwork Guide promises us, and we are truly mini gods creating all our experiences in every moment.